When you let go of something, it actually affects the adrenalin in your body. Think of the situation when you would have let gone of something because you tried and failed, be it the software error you could not fix, be it the relationship problem you could not solve. It is actually a dangerous feeling, you are letting go something which refuses to be in your control. But I look at it from a different perspective – When you are letting go, you are actually opening doors to the fighter within you. Get him to action. Wake him up. That is where the adrenalin gushes in and you feel you are charged up. Ignited, to take upon the next obstacle, the next hurdle which faces you.
I woke up around 9 30. Ideally this is the time I am in office checking voicemails and mails. But today, I was relaxed.
My drawing room had a big glass sliding door window. Outside, just below the AC, a cute pigeon family had decided to extend their family size and spread their legacy. I never wanted to threaten their growth. I had let the eggs hatch and at times, I put some Indian rice grains near the window pane so that the parent birds could feed on without having to go away for a long time leaving the eggs in the nest. They had an amazing chemistry. The mother bird would sit on the eggs and the father bird would watch her. He was never tired, and the She bird never moved. She just blinked her eyes.. She might have meant that she understood him. The feelings moved me always.
As I stood with a cup of coffee near the window looking at the nest, I remembered the day one of these birds actually had entered into my room when they were kids. It was wounded by the ruthless ceiling fan in my room and when I could do nothing. I just made it drink some water and then had placed it outside the window. Today was a different day, as i looked, I saw things differently. I could see how parents care for the child, even before the child is born. They sacrifice for the child even when the child is not aware. And then I thought about my father. I lost my father recently. Thinking of all this moistened my eyes. There are somethings which are not in your control and you should just let go.
In office, it was a routine day. But people interacting with me had mixed reactions. Some knew about my resignation and some did not. The ones which did, they were inquiring about my new company, role and my compensation structure. The emails in my outlook spoke a different story. The same emails were now being marked to someone else, the work was getting done as usual.. without me. You actually get converted voluntarily into a NPPM – Non Performing Project Manager. It is a strange feeling, when on one hand you want to get released early so you want there is no dependency on you, while on the other hand, you feel insignificant, as an unwanted weed in the organisation. Look at the power of one email.
On my way back from office, my Pulsar wanted to stop at the Nukkad. I did not disallow. Pani Poori is one of my hot favorites. When I am at the stand holding the plate. And the Pani Poori wallah stuffs the spicy potato mash into the crispy fried cups, dips it in spicy and sour tamarind water and puts it in my plate, I can hardly resist the temptation to gulp it down my throat. I just love it and whenever I am stressed, I tend to be a honest disciple of the Pani Poori wallah, ramping up his business. 20 INR and I am done.
Once I parked my bike, took the lift to the Second Floor of Ambika Apartments and opened my apartment door, I wished the days to fly faster. How I wished to flee from the place. How i wished to pray Kotler soon.
I silently walked to the window. Opened the window, switched on the window light and saw the mother bird and the father bird. They still were there. I did nothing. Put in some rice grains on the floor of the window pane and closed the door. I miss my father a lot.
28 more days to go.
Mumbai.. Cheers to Life! Cheers to Parents!